A Mind Body Spirit HYGIENE™ Practice
Boundary HYGIENE™ — Real tools, for real women, in the messy middle.
By Temple Franklin & the Divine Team
This workbook is for you — the people pleaser, the empath, the one who always puts others first. These are not rules. They are templates. Read them, practice them, and then rewrite them in your own voice. The goal isn't to become a different person. The goal is to become the person you already are — with the language to match.
Part 1
Be honest. No one sees this but you. Check every box that feels true.
My biggest struggle in work boundaries:
My biggest struggle in family boundaries:
My biggest struggle in friends & social boundaries:
My biggest struggle in self boundaries:
0-4 checks: You have solid boundaries in most areas. Focus on the specific areas you checked.
5-9 checks: Your boundaries need strengthening in certain relationships. The scripts in this workbook will give you the exact language you need.
10-16 checks: You are giving yourself away. This is not selflessness — this is self-abandonment. This workbook was made for you. Go slowly. Start with ONE script this week.
I checked ______ boxes. The area I want to work on first:
Part 2
Exact words for 20 common situations. Use them as-is, or rewrite them in your own voice at the bottom of each card.
Each script includes: the people-pleasing response you're used to, the boundary language you GET TO use instead, a softer stepping stone if you're not ready for the full version, and an affirmation to remind you why this matters.
The People-Pleasing Response
"Sure, no problem! I'll stay as long as you need." (while screaming inside)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I have a commitment this evening that I can't move. I can prioritize this first thing tomorrow morning — would that work?"
Softer Stepping Stone
"I can give you 30 more minutes today, but I'll need to pick this up fresh tomorrow to do my best work."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO protect my time. My evenings belong to me."
You don't owe anyone an explanation for your 'commitment.' A commitment to yourself counts.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
The People-Pleasing Response
"Oh, it's fine, I'll just handle it." (adds it to your already full plate)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I appreciate you thinking of me, but I'm at capacity with my own projects right now. You might want to check with [manager] about reprioritizing."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I wish I could help, but I have to protect my current deadlines. Let me know if there's a small, specific thing I can do."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO focus on my own work without guilt."
Their poor planning is not your emergency.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
The People-Pleasing Response
"Let me just quickly handle this..." (goodbye, weekend)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I'm off today and won't be checking messages. I'll follow up on Monday."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I'll flag this for Monday morning — it'll be the first thing I look at."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO rest without guilt. Rest makes me better, not lazy."
You can set this as an auto-reply. Let the boundary do the work for you.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
The People-Pleasing Response
"Sure, I'd love to help!" (while resenting every minute)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"Thank you for thinking of me! My rate for that type of work is [amount]. Would you like to set something up?"
Softer Stepping Stone
"I'm not able to take that on for free, but I'd be happy to point you toward some great resources."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO value my skills. My expertise has worth."
If they wanted it for free, they didn't value it. That's not your problem to solve.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"You're right, maybe I should..." (abandons own decision)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I hear your concern, and I appreciate you caring. This is what feels right for me right now. I'm not looking for feedback on this one."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I know you mean well. I've thought about this a lot, and I'm comfortable with my decision."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO make my own choices. I don't need permission to live my life."
You can love someone deeply and still not accept their opinion as your truth.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"I'm sorry, I'm the worst. I'll come this weekend." (cancels your own plans)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I love you and I love spending time with you. I'm doing my best to balance everything. Let's plan a time that works for both of us."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I miss you too. How about we set a regular day to call so we both have something to look forward to?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO love my family AND have my own life. Both can be true."
Guilt is not love. Love doesn't require you to shrink.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Answers the question uncomfortably, feels exposed for days after.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"That's something I'm keeping private for now. So, tell me about [redirect topic]!"
Softer Stepping Stone
"Ha! That's a big question. I'm not ready to share on that yet. How's YOUR [topic]?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO keep parts of my life private. Privacy is not secrecy."
A redirect with warmth is still a boundary. You don't need to be harsh to be firm.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"I'll handle everything, don't worry about it." (then cries in the bathroom)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I'd love to be part of this, but I can't host this time. Who else can take the lead? I'm happy to bring a dish."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I can handle [specific small task], but I need someone else to take point on the rest this time."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO participate without being in charge. Showing up is enough."
If no one else steps up when you stop, that tells you everything about the pattern.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Says nothing. Quietly stops sharing anything personal. Feels betrayed.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I shared that with you in confidence. It's important to me that private things stay private. Can I count on that going forward?"
Softer Stepping Stone
"Hey, I noticed [person] knew about [thing]. I'd prefer to be the one to share my own news. Can we agree on that?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO decide who knows my story. My life is mine to share."
This boundary teaches people how to earn your trust. It's a gift, not a punishment.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Drops everything to help, again. Wonders why they feel drained after.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I've noticed our conversations mostly happen when you need help. I value our friendship and I'd love to hear from you when things are going well too."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I want to help, and I also miss just hanging out. Can we plan something fun soon — no agenda?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO have friendships that fill me up, not drain me."
This conversation might change the friendship. That's okay. You deserve reciprocity.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"Okay fine, I'll come for a little bit." (regrets it the entire time)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I'm staying in tonight — I need the rest. Have the best time! Send me pics."
Softer Stepping Stone
"Not tonight, but I don't want to miss the next one! Let's plan something for next week."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO rest. Choosing rest is not choosing isolation."
No is a complete sentence. But if you want to soften it, the redirect works beautifully.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Listens, nods, maybe even adds to it, then feels awful.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I'm trying not to talk about people when they're not here. Have you talked to them about it directly?"
Softer Stepping Stone
"Hmm, I don't know enough about their situation to have an opinion. I hope it works out for them."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO protect other people's dignity, even when they're not in the room."
This boundary protects you too — if they gossip about others to you, they gossip about you to others.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"Oh, don't worry about it..." (worries about it constantly)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"Hey, I wanted to check in about the [money/item]. When can I expect that back? I need it by [date]."
Softer Stepping Stone
"No pressure, but I do need [item/amount] back. Can we figure out a timeline?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO ask for what's mine. Expecting reciprocity is not selfish."
Going forward: only lend what you're okay never getting back. That removes the resentment.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"You're right, I'm probably overreacting." (stuffs feelings down)
What You GET TO Say Instead
"When you say I'm overreacting, it makes me feel like my feelings don't matter to you. I need you to hear me, even if you don't fully understand."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I know it might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me. Can we talk about it?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO have feelings that are honored. My emotions are valid."
If someone consistently dismisses your feelings, that's information about the relationship.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Never asks. Slowly burns out. Gets resentful.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I love our time together, AND I need some time alone to recharge. It's not about you — it's about me being a better partner when we are together."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I'm going to take [time period] for myself today. I'll be recharged and present when I'm back."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO need space. Solitude is not rejection."
The right person will respect your need for space. The wrong person will punish you for it.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Stops talking. Lets them take over. Swallows their words.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"Hold on — I wasn't finished. I'd like to complete my thought."
Softer Stepping Stone
"One sec — let me finish this part, then I want to hear your take."
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO be heard. My words matter."
Say it calmly, with a small smile. It's powerful because it's not aggressive — it's clear.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Laughs it off. Goes home and thinks about it for 3 days.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I'd prefer not to have comments about my body/food. Thanks for understanding."
Softer Stepping Stone
"Ha — yeah, I'm not really into body talk. Did you see [redirect]?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO exist in my body without commentary. My body is not a discussion topic."
You don't have to educate them. A simple redirect protects your peace.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Carries the secret. Loses sleep. Feels trapped.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"I don't feel comfortable keeping this to myself. If it involves someone's safety or wellbeing, I might need to share it with the right person."
Softer Stepping Stone
"That's a lot to carry. Have you considered talking to someone who can actually help?"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO put down burdens that aren't mine to carry."
There's a difference between a confidence and a burden. You're allowed to know the difference.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
Stays 2 hours past when they wanted to leave. Fabricates elaborate excuses.
What You GET TO Say Instead
"This has been wonderful. I'm going to head out now. Thank you for a great time."
Softer Stepping Stone
"I'm going to slip out — early morning tomorrow. So glad I came!"
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO leave when I'm ready. I don't need to perform staying."
Practice this one. It gets easier every time. No one is thinking about your exit as much as you are.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑The People-Pleasing Response
"Sorry! Sorry. I'm sorry I'm always sorry."
What You GET TO Say Instead
Replace 'I'm sorry' with 'Thank you.' Instead of 'Sorry I'm late' — 'Thank you for waiting.' Instead of 'Sorry for venting' — 'Thank you for listening.'
Softer Stepping Stone
Start with just ONE day of catching yourself. Keep a tally. Awareness is the first boundary.
Your Affirmation
"I GET TO take up space without apologizing for existing."
This one isn't about a conversation with someone else. It's the boundary you set with your own inner critic.
Make It Yours — Rewrite in Your Voice:
Locked — Unlock all 20 scripts
Enter email above ↑Scripts 1–3 are just the start. Enter your email to unlock the other 17 scripts, the family conversation guide, and the full affirmation practice — all free.
Part 3
Read one each morning. Say it out loud. Write it on a sticky note. Let it rewire the guilt.
"I GET TO say no. No is a complete sentence."
"I GET TO disappoint people and still be a good person."
"I GET TO choose me without feeling selfish."
"I GET TO set boundaries even when people don't understand them."
"I GET TO change my mind. I owe no one consistency at the expense of my peace."
"I GET TO walk away from conversations that drain me."
"I GET TO require respect, not just hope for it."
"I GET TO be kind AND firm. They are not opposites."
"I GET TO protect my energy. It is a finite resource."
"I GET TO outgrow relationships that no longer serve me."
"I GET TO speak up, even when my voice shakes."
"I GET TO love people from a distance if that's what's healthiest."
What do YOU need to give yourself permission for? Write 3 of your own below.
I GET TO...
I GET TO...
I GET TO...
Locked — Unlock 12 affirmations
Enter email above ↑Part 4
The hardest boundaries are with the people closest to us. Here's how to have the conversation.
Setting boundaries with family is the hardest thing most people will ever do. It feels like betrayal. It feels like you're being mean. It feels like you're breaking something.
But here's the truth: you are not breaking anything. You are repairing yourself.
The people who love you will adjust. The people who don't will resist. Both responses give you information you need.
These scripts are starting points. Edit them. Soften them. Make them yours. The most powerful boundary is one that sounds like YOU.
"There's something I've been wanting to talk about. It's important to me, and I need you to hear me out before responding. Can you do that for me?"
Choose a calm, private moment. Not during a fight, not in front of others.
Rewrite in your own words:
"I've noticed that when [specific pattern], I end up feeling [specific emotion]. I don't think you intend that, but I want us to find a better way."
Use 'I noticed' and 'I feel' — not 'You always' or 'You never.' Specifics beat generalizations.
Rewrite in your own words:
"What I need going forward is [specific need]. I know this might feel different, but it's what I need to show up as my best self in this relationship."
Be specific. 'I need space' is vague. 'I need 30 minutes to decompress when I get home before talking about the day' is clear.
Rewrite in your own words:
"I understand this is hard to hear. I'm not asking you to agree with it — I'm asking you to respect it. This boundary exists because I love us, not because I'm trying to hurt you."
Expect pushback. Stay calm. Repeat your boundary once, then end the conversation if needed.
Rewrite in your own words:
"I've already shared how I feel about this, and my answer hasn't changed. I love you, and this is where I stand."
You don't need a new argument each time. Repetition IS the boundary.
Rewrite in your own words:
"I noticed you [respected my boundary]. That meant so much to me. Thank you for hearing me."
Reinforce the behavior you want to see more of. Boundaries aren't only about the hard conversations.
Rewrite in your own words:
Locked — Unlock family guide
Enter email above ↑Every boundary you set is an act of self-love. Every "no" you speak is a "yes" to yourself. You are not losing people — you are finding yourself. And the right people? They'll still be there.
"I GET TO protect my peace. I GET TO choose me. I GET TO build relationships that honor who I am becoming."
mindbodyspirithygienetools.com — By Temple Franklin & the Divine Team
The Boundary Builder — Mind Body Spirit Hygiene Tools
By Temple Franklin & the Divine Team
mindbodyspirithygienetools.com
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